Strawberry Fields Forever

This is one of those IT books wherein at one point, it would be considered cool to actually own these, or to post a pic of yourself holding a copy on instagram, twitter, or facebook.  Quite frankly I don't get the fuss.  Dubbed as 'mummy porn' because of it's smut content that seems to be targeted towards sex-repressed mommies, Fifty Shades of Grey has brought commercial crap writing to record new levels.  Twilight is crap compared to classic literature or compared to a modern well-written book *cough, Harry, cough, Potter, cough*: But then again Twilight is considered a work of art,and I'm saying Shakespeare level work of art, compared to Fifty Shades!  I didn't think it was possible but it's true!

So many things in Fifty Shades are just so wrong on so many different levels.  And it was really irritating to read.  There are A LOT of things on the books that just irritated me to death that I don't know where to start but I will try to enumerate them all.  But before I proceed, I would like to say that I mean no offense to lovers of this series.  I am sure you all are nice people, but I think your taste in books is crap. LOL.

Anyway, here are the most irritating things about the books:

1.  I know that EL James started out as fanfic writer for Twilight, and it shows, BIG TIME.  Ana was obviously molded after Bella, with her eternal blushing. clumsiness, and her seeming 'bright and innocent and good' personality, while Christian was Edward minus the sparkles and the golden eyes.  I would have thought that as a writer, one would exert some effort to come up with more original characters but no.  Ana and Christian were like Bella and Edward in some kinky Twilight Alternative Universe.  And what's worse, the author magnified Edward and Bella's worst character flaws: Ana is an even weaker version of Bella with her neediness and dependence on a sadistic man for her happiness, and Christian was an even more controlling version of Edward: his need to enforce his will on the weaker Ana was great and his stalking even more alarming!

• "Oh he's affected all right - and my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."
• "My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves." (WTF???)
• "My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the sly self-congratulatory smile on her face."
• "My inner goddess is writhing on her chaise lounge."
• "My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars, and abruptly my mouth is dry."
• "My inner goddess has her sequins on and is warming up to dance the rumba."
• "My inner goddess licks her lips salaciously and gives me her well-fucked grin."

• Bella evading Alice and Jasper to 'save' her mom / Ana evading her guards to 'save' Mia.
• Bella beating bitten by James and hears Edward before she blacks out / Ana being beaten up by Jack and sees Christian before blacking out.